Sometimes as children start potty training (or later on) families notice their children are struggling to regularly go to the toilet. Sometimes they go days without going, leaving them extremely uncomfortable, bloated and often unhappy. Constipation in kids can be really difficult to deal with. As a parent as you want to help but may be reluctant to just keep giving them laxatives. Long term these might feel like they aren’t fixing the problem – just masking it.
Luckily there are other things you can do to help at home…
According to experts, holding in going to the toilet in children is usually a control issue. As a child, most of their lives are out of their control. What they wear, what they eat, where they go, who they see, what time they go to bed and many other parts of their lives are decisions parents make. This is obviously a necessary thing to do but it can impact some children more than others.
Just like adults some children crave a little bit more autonomy in their lives, and helps them feel better. One area they can control completely is when they go to the loo. Whilst it might not be a completely conscious decision to hold it in to feel in control, it’s something that many children do for that reason. It can be more likely to occur around times of change. The change may also not seem that big to an adult but can be for a child. Potty training is one such change.
So what can you do?
1. Give them back some control.
Let your child make as many choices of their own as possible. Choices that may seem silly to us can really help.
“Would you like to use this spoon or this spoon?”
“Would you like these socks or these ones?”
“Would you like your pillow this way up or that way up?”
There are loads of ways to give your child more autonomy every single day without it causing big disruptions. It can hugely help them have a greater sense of being in charge of their own lives. Then they don’t feel the need to bring it in in other ways, such as bathroom habits.
Abdominal massage is great for helping children go to the toilet. In a session you ask the child if they would like the massage, and teach it to the parents so they can repeat this at home. Asking “Would you like this nice massage to help you go to the toilet and feel better?” means they are more involved in the decision about going to the loo in a positive way. This is then regularly repeated at home too. They have positive toilet control so they don’t need to hold it in. It’s a great way to naturally help kids with constipation.
The massage helps reset the digestive system too, working with the digestion instead of overruling it like laxatives. Laxatives take away a choice about going to the toilet but massaging in this way can give it back. This really helps treat the symptom and the cause of the issue. Children also bounce back very quickly when you’re working in this way, so it usually only takes a few weeks before they are back to their happy selves. To book a session click here.
3. Think about potty placement.
Some kids are naturally more shy than others, particularly about going to the toilet. Often children wearing a nappy will sneak off and hide when they are doing a poo, but they can’t always get this same safe, secure feeling during potty training. Potty’s are often placed in the middle of the room, toilet doors are often open so people can see. This doesn’t help a child feel secure and in control of a situation.
This doesn’t affect all children – some kids will drag a potty in front of the TV! – but is an issue for some. It’s always good to have a more secluded spot for a potty – ideally in the bathroom with the door shut if you feel this maybe an issue for your child. It’s also best to ask if your child if they’d like you to stay with them. We would give an adult as much privacy as possible when they go to the loo. It’s great to do this for kids as well wherever possible and needed. A lot of children might want company, but asking is still a good way to give them more autonomy over their toilet habits without them having to find it by holding it and getting constipated.
For tailored advice on how to help your child with their constipation, along with a digestive reset with abdominal massage click here.
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